@m1/2 July 28/04 Journalling

Ive escaped from hell- the place where I was punished for throwing a stone-
To live.
After having a rough previous life, Ive learned.
Ive become well off with knowledge, yet not rich.
I understand that if I continue in old ways,
This being will end up back in its horrid kingdom.
Those who cast their pile didnt get even a wrist slap.
Why?
I am now being punished for murder.
Inaccurate assumtions.
Or wait.. Im caught up in time... that was then.
It effects me to this day:
The low down feelings.
The messed up emotions.

Who spiked my brain?
I dont know whats going on.
I run in circles.
Im getting dizzy.
I cant stop.
Im sick.

I lay motionless, under deep tranquilizer,
but still, I crawl- zombie like.
Worn out.
I need to find it.
I wish I knew what "IT" was.

I stumble.
I trip.
Im nautous.
Im scared.
Lonely and shook.
I cry.

Im sliding across the ground on my face.
It hurts.
I force myself to get up. Slowly, but surely.
I look up.
With arms wide open you stand.

You help me up and keep me standing on my feet.
Im strong now!
You nudge me.
I fall.

Clearly not as strong as I thought.
You help me with a hand.
I throw myself at you- thanks for the help.
My life is in your hands.

You treat me.
Your kind. You'll always be here for me.
You push me down.
You walk all over me.
Many times over.

I was over confident.
I look to you for help.
You turn your back to me.
I walk away with a hung head and slouched shoulders.

I feel a tap on my left one.
I look... and nobody's there.
I look over my right one- still no sign of intellagent life.
Just a familiar portrait from a back flash of a morbid dejavu.

I look past it. I cant focus.....
I wont focus.